Taking that first step

I never thought that I would get myself into a place where I would be so reliant on an individual that no matter what I do, I could never make them happy... Well, I realized I do this often and just because I have been openly gay now and in a relationship I truly feel is the one, I have put myself into a situation where I have given my boyfriend no space and the inability to do things for himself.
It's hard to think that things that we think we are doing things that we look and say, "hey, I am helping them" but in reality we have actually hurt them more than anything. And this is where I am sitting right now.
I had stayed at a friend's place last night and honestly was the hardest thing I have ever done. I slept horrible and all I could think of is if my boyfriend was doing alright and if he was sleeping or what not.
I don't know if this helped at all, but I truly want the tension of whatever this feeling is between my boyfriend and I to go away. I never wanted it like this and I will continue to fight for him. For his health and understanding that I do not want to hurt him at all... But through these last couple months I have hurt him more than he thinks I have or maybe he doesn't know how much I hurt him...
A lot of emotions going through my head but I am glad to have friends that will sit with me and go through this with me because I feel so oblivious to this as well as I am just realizing it now and I feel any steps in any direction will be a step back and I think it'd be more strain than anything...
Oh God, help me now. Haha